just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
