I faked an abortion last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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