John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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