My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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