My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
