just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
