I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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