"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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