ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I want is dick and wine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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