it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
