I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
