I want to have your abortion
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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