she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
