Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
