I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
