i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
