for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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