Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
