I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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