i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
