apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
