$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
