I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
