I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
