Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
