just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
