I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
