I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
