tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
