I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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