Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
