I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
