She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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