She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Mom said you looked used
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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