I'm lost and stupid without you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
