i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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