doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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