i may or may not be watching the land before time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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