Don't make out with my wife yet
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
