Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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