I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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