i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
