she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bring money and cleavage
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
