No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
