Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Randomize
