well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
