Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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