is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
