I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
