he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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