I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
