just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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