I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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