I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
