his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
