there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
