Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
