Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
