umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are all done wearing pants today
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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