I heard we made out
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
