god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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