I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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