It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
