you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
